I feel that I am rarely an open book with my personal feelings or my testimony on the internet, but I would really like to open up about how God has shown me one way how He has redeemed me. I started to feel sick Friday night. Saturday I woke up having a head cold, so I had to cancel some plans to go Christmas tree chopping. This was a bummer for me since I really wanted to go outdoors and get out of Redding a bit. I made the best of it and spent the day alone and watched movies. But I still was just feeling down in the dumps and yucky...ya know? Sunday I woke up feeling about the same, a little better, but I decided to skip church. I woke up and tried to be positive, but I just wasn't feeling it. I was in a poor mood. It's that feeling when there is no purpose anymore, when you feel all has failed. I felt so overcome by a victim attitude and I had no hope for feeling any better. I was more sad by this feeling because the past week I had received so much breakthrough at school with joy. I realized I just was totally negative. I don't know if I knew how to be positive at all, it's like I was slimed and there was no way of getting out of it. Today...I wake up and while I am getting dressed I think, "what is the point of me being here on earth?" I didn't catch how crazy this thought was, but it felt so normal. I used to think these things all the time before I came to know the love of God. Before encountering the Presence of God, I had no idea why I was living because I had no concept of how much my God, my Father, loves me to such an extreme that I cannot comprehend.
Today, I go to school trying to be in a good mood, but really I was feeling awful. We start praying and the first thing the woman who is leading the prayer says, "I want you prayer warriors who are feeling hopeless and depressed to come up and pray with me." What she also revealed is that there was a suicide in Redding this weekend and we began to pray and wash over these feelings. It just overwhelmed me because I realized this is what I was feeling. And I was reminded of my thoughts of suicide that I had this morning because I didn't even think about how crazy it was, it just slipped in my mind. I gave these thoughts to God and repented because I know that God loves me so much and I don't need to feel grief about feeling crappy, but I just need to receive His love and forgiveness. God's love gives purpose and it gives destiny...it never brings hopelessness.
My main reason for writing this is because I want every person to know that there is hope and that God has destiny. Jesus is washing your minds right now with redemption for you to feel the tangible love of God. He has a purpose for your life. It may sound crazy that the God of the universe has a purpose for wee little you. But it's serious! He loves so extremely that Jesus came to earth to be human with us and then suffered a sinner's debt for us to live in a free relationship with Father God. His life redeemed by the cross gave us the opportunity to have that same life of redemption. Nothing you do could ever separate you from the love of God.
Life is worth living because God made us to know us and to be in relationship with us. All He wants is to be with us. This is a question that I struggled with a lot for the last 7 years. I never understood what the point of us being here is and it's just to be living in communion with Him.
Jesus said, "I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-- just as the Father knows me and I know the Father-- and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:14-15
I love you all. Bless you and your spirits to receive this testimony for what it's worth. I share this just to encourage any of you.
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