The Loving God: Old and New

I've been really struggling with seeing God's love throughout the whole bible. Mostly before the new covenant. I always see Him angry and jealous, and as if there is no way to please Him. This has been a real battle for me. Only because I know who Jesus is and I know who God is right now, but who was He before Jesus? It's hard to believe my God is a loving and good God when all I see in the Old Testament is His wrath. I know there is love in the old testament, but I still never found the mercy and grace that I saw in the new testament. Well, I decided to read Jeremiah today and it starts off about Israel's betrayal of God, but God wants them to turn back to Him. I see His jealousy again and His anger towards the Israelites. Then I see it, the jealousy shifts in my mind as a desire for their hearts and a longing to be close to them because Israel means so much to God. I see His heartbreak and desire for their love.
Jeremiah 3:12-15

^11-12Then God told me, "Fickle Israel was a good sight better than flighty Judah. Go and preach this message. Face north toward Israel and say:

^12-15"'Turn back, fickle Israel.
I'm not just hanging back to punish you.
I'm committed in love to you.
My anger doesn't seethe nonstop.
Just admit your guilt.
Admit your God-defiance.
Admit to your promiscuous life with casual partners,
pulling strangers into the sex-and-religion groves
While turning a deaf ear to me.'"
God's Decree.
"Come back, wandering children!"
God's Decree.
"I, yes I, am your true husband.
I'll pick you out one by one—
This one from the city, these two from the country—
and bring you to Zion.
I'll give you good shepherd-rulers who rule my way,
who rule you with intelligence and wisdom.

This is The Message version, just because I think it portrays His love a little more intensely and the way I imagined it. I know that in the old testament we weren't worthy of Him because of our consistent failure. But this helps me to see how God always wanted us, even when we weren't worthy. I am so thankful that because of Jesus we can be worthy. He was the ultimate sacrifice. His love really is eternal.

Living

It's my last day in Maryland. I'll be heading off to Eastern University tomorrow. My emotions about this new part in my life are so bipolar. I feel excited and ready, but then I think about the details and think about the future, and I get freaked out. I've realized how much of my emotions have been due to me thinking and putting expectations for my future. I'm trying so hard to give my future to God and giving Him the control, but I've learned that it shouldn't be hard. If I truly trusted that He has it all in His hands then I would relax a little. This waiting around part of my life is getting frustrating and making me so anxious. I can't seem to get it in my head that everyday is life, not the future and my career. I've seen that I just want to love God and love people all my life. That's all I want to do, and I don't need to feel anxious about what God has planned for me because I need to do it everyday. I need to remember that He has my life in His hands and I don't need to be so uptight about knowing and just live.